No self-respecting philanderer would want to be called Eldrick

A close friend stunned me recently with his revelation that, as the oldest child in a single parent family, he lost his name early on, as his mother relied on him to take on the mantle of older brother with all the responsibilities that entailed.

No longer Peter or Pete or Pietie or Peetman, he became "Brother". Well, "Boeta" really. His "real" name just disappeared into the emotional mist that was his family. They needed a big brother who would lead, protect and discipline the rest of the siblings.

By the time we became friends, he'd taken to introducing himself as Peter, which I thought was pretty formal, no abbreviation or diminution. But it was his way of clawing back the identity he thought he'd lost as a young kid.

You're forever defined by nicknames. It's a theme Jane Morgan and her colleagues picked up in their book on the Origins and Social Consequences of Nicknames, writing about how nicknames contribute to class formation, defining members of a close-knit and privileged group in society. But they also reflect on how nicknames mark those who are the "untouchables or non-persons" in society, or scapegoats who are given pejorative names.

One young woman has become so exasperated with the variations on her Mandy - anything from Manda and Mands to Mandisa. She is especially outraged by Mandi-Pandi, considering, she says, that she is not a Mandi-Pandi type of person.

Nicknames say much about who you are seen to be in terms of skill, the lack thereof or personal traits. Even younger generations who've never seen their skill know about Doctor Khumalo, Ace Ntsoelengoe, Vinnige Fanie de Villiers, The Chief Radebe, Loop-en-Val Motshwarateu, Baby Jack Matlala, Mannetjies Roux, Zulu Klusener, Monty Montgomery, Biff Smith.

Ice hockey player Stu Grimson, who became known very quickly as the guy you could rely on to take out the opposing team's top scorer, was nicknamed "The Grim Reaper" by his team-mates. Some of my favourite nicknames have come out of the cricket-mad Indian sub-continent, including "Rawalpindi Express" Akhtar, "God on the off side" Ganguly and Pakistani duo "Sultans of Reverse Swing" Akram and Younis. Pele is a good example of a meaningless nickname, given to him by his mates for his mangling of the name of a top goalkeeper of an earlier era.

But, sometimes, a nickname adds real value. Take Tiger Woods. No self-respecting serial philanderer would be happy going around with his real moniker of Eldrick. No matter how much they covet your fortune, chicks will laugh. They will. But a "Tiger in the bed" may be another matter

Often, especially in the modern era, they are just a lazy play on one or other aspect of someone's given name, ala Feesh Fish and Polly Pollock, I do wonder why a certain syllable in a name is used and not another. For example, why does the name Raymond translate into the shorter Ray and not Mond, which may have an interesting nuanced meaning.

But I think they say much more about the people who name you. And dropping your nickname or the variation of your name imposed since birth or on the school playground may cause some problems in life, not unlike the looks you get if you adopt a fake foreign accent. That's how Gordon Sumner by any other name but Sting would be an offence to the world.

How would it sound if Danny Jordaan suddenly started introducing himself as Dan or Daniel? People would think he was putting on unnecessary airs. Try that kind of stunt in Die Gat down Standford Road in Gelvandale, Port Elizabeth, and you may get taken out for the right reason. Or keep introducing yourself as Allistair when everyone knows you are Tootie Coetzee, and whatever your team does on the field is just rubbish.

Of course, when it starts getting viciously bad, like Tollaman, you have to toss up whether you will stick with a name and a group, or give them all up and start a new life under an assumed identity, that's if your parents were that off-the-planet that they actually put Tollaman on your birth certificate, or Vleis, Engel, Baba or Liefie.

Nicknames have taken on a different meaning in the digital age, whether for online gamers or inveterate bloggers or chat room addicts, hiding the good, bad and ugly, the shy, the racist and the idiotic behind Baby, Goofy, Sparx, Hoer, Native, Pizzaface, Spud, Chillieboy, Bles, Dutchie, Barbi-babe, which are no mere handles but complicated alter ego personas constructed with intent.

It can be the ultimate diss, not being given a favourable nickname by your closest mates. This is why I said to my mate Peter that being named Boeta was the ultimate affirmation of his place in the world, and not one to be discarded too readily.